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:iconthe-supreme-nerd: More from The-Supreme-Nerd


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October 7, 2010
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-All the 13's in Mac's bar aren't for dispersing stray magical energies from intoxicated wizards. He is double dog daring bad luck to try something funny in his bar.

-Warning: extended exposure to Mac's voice may result in weeping, vomiting, divine revelations, temporary insanity, permanent insanity, inability to stand for any length of time, blindness , miraculous healing, spontaneous combustion, and dryness of throat. May not affect beings of incredible fortitude.

-One day, a long time ago, Mac decided to try his hand at making wine. He went into the mountains and picked the best soil and air quality for his grapes. He sang to the vines every day and read them Shakespeare every night. When the resulting juices were fermented to perfection, Mac had a taste and decided it was a pretty good batch. Unfortunately, before he could bottle the wine, some young punk named Nicholas Flammel made off with the barrel.

-In the big fight scene in the end of Changes, Ebenezer didn't use spells to kill those multitudes of vampires. He simply asked Mac to grunt angrily in their direction.

-Mac once generously gave a family of goats 15 bottles of his regular brew and one bottle of his dark brew. The result? The Gruffs.

-Mac doesn't need a shotgun or magic to kick your butt. All he needs to do is to call in his tabs.

-In fact, his shotgun is just shiny piece of plastic. For real emergency situations, Mac keeps a pre-broken bottle of someone elses beer behind the counter. Anything else would probably violate the Accords.

-The women of the Dresden Files wish they could cheat on their boyfriends/husbands/hosts with Mac. Unfortunately, after finding making sweet love to all the Queens of Faerie to be a bit of a letdown, Mac decided to save himself for someone special.

-The only reason Mac doesn't hop into the Nevernever and show the forces of evil the backs of both his pimp hands is because Mac is wise enough to know that without the darkness there can be no light. Plus, whoever wins the final apocalyptic battle in the end will surely need a stiff drink afterwards.

-Mac has been giving Queen Mab singing lessons. She is not quite there yet.

-When Mac give someone the bums rush, he doesn't just toss them out of his bar; he tosses them out of reality.

-On a related note, ever wonder why Titania hasn't shown her face yet? Turns out, she got extremely drunk one night and almost threw up on Mac. Almost.

-Mac uses Ferrovax to light his stove.

-When someone says they have channeled the spirit of an angel in battle, they really channeled a portion of Mac. For some reason, angels don't like to get their hands dirty.

-Mac has had access to many of the Nickelhead coins. However, he is so unimpressed by them that he just chucks the coins in a well or fountain.

-Mac didn't get knocked out in Last Call. He simply found the prospect of facing three crazed witch-wannabes and an elder god so underwhelming he decided to take a nap.

-Harry keeps looking over his shoulder for Kincaid. Kincaid keeps looking over his shoulder for Mac. Kincaid still hasn't paid his tab.

-He Who Walks Behind is Mac's snot rag.

-Dirt and grime stay off of Mac for fear of violent retribution (e.g. Mac giving dirt and grime a stern talking to)

-Mac is in your house, wearing your watch, and quietly criticizing your poor taste in alcoholic beverages.

-When Mac was young, he decided his hair was unruly, so he gave it the bum's rush.

-Mac is the real Burger King. The reason he doesn't bring it up? Mac is nothing if not humble.

-Mac can have sex with a thunderstorm. And he calls the next day.

-The light that emanates from the Swords of the Cross is a cheap imitation of Mac's head in the summer sun.

-Mac once told Bianca, "bite me". She tried. Apparently blood doesn't stain Mac's apron either.

-Mac uses the Scarecrow Fetch's head as a Jack-O-Lantern. And pie.

-Faeries make sacrifices on the Stone Table to appease Mac. Hey, faeries need booze too.

-Mac eats ghouls.

-Mac can beat the Archive at Trivial Pursuit, Jeopardy, and Scrabble.
Chuck Norris-style "facts" for Mac McAnally of the Dresden Files

This is what happens when I only have one class in a day.

I am a big fan of the Dresden Files, and for some reason the idea popped into my head to make "facts" for one of the characters. Originally I was going to make them about Mister or Toot-toot, but I figured that they were probably inferior compared to Mac.

There are some Changes spoilers here, though I doubt they are news to anyone who will get these jokes.

If you haven't read the books, go out and buy Storm Front. You will be addicted.

The Dresden Files, along with all the characters and mutilated quotes in the list belong to Jim Butcher.

Note: This was written when Changes was the latest book. Some stuff on here may not be up to date, and may require another list.
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2wingo Featured By Owner Oct 31, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
Mac used to be president of the United States. In those days, he was called Theodore Roosevelt.
Sergej12345 Featured By Owner Jul 28, 2014
The only reason Mac doesn't hop into the Nevernever and show the forces of evil the backs of both his pimp hands is because Mac is wise enough to know that without the darkness there can be no light. Plus, whoever wins the final apocalyptic battle in the end will surely need a stiff drink afterwards. My favorite,how greedy he is!
Skaros444 Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2014  Hobbyist
Mac is the Chuck Norris of The Dresden Files!

Nice work!
TrotFox Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2014
This... had to happen sometime!  =D
dragonslayer126 Featured By Owner Apr 1, 2013
Now that Cold Days is out...this is A LOT more plausible. Or I should say even more.
The-Supreme-Nerd Featured By Owner Apr 8, 2013
One of these days I have to get my hands on that book. I haven't even made it through Ghost Story yet.

Not my favorite in the series...
Ambrosial-Wolf Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Lol, I'm entertained! I love the second to last's so simple it's hilarious.
The-Supreme-Nerd Featured By Owner Dec 15, 2011
Glad you like the list!
BeautifulPsychosis Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011
This is brilliant.

Also, oddly plausible… *laugh*
The-Supreme-Nerd Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2011
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